WHY SHOULD BLACKS DO WHITE WEDDING?

Marriage is an issue of morality not legality. If you are tied by legality, your marriage can only be maintained by legality and if you are tied with morality, that’s what can sustain your marriage.

The foundation of a union determines the conduct in it. To my understanding, Legal marriage makes couple act like legal competitors, they are never free to express themselves to bridge their different backgrounds. While they profess love and smile, deep inside them, they focus more on their legal grounds. At every slight misunderstanding which are inevitable in any marriage, their mind goes straight to their legal position. The husband don’t want to correct his wife on what displeases him in her conduct because he doesn’t know her next reaction, while the wife on the other hand is always being careful to have legal advantage in case they have to resort to where they started (court). Here, they are already preparing their separation even on their wedding day.

How can there not be separation in such a marriage when they are thinking and working more on their separation rather than making their union work?

In fact, a court marriage cant be described as a marriage, it should rather be described as an alliance between two people that didn’t trust each other.

Court marriage can only be maintained by a court. Church marriage also by a church,but only a traditional marriage entered with love and willingness to make sacrifices can be maintained by love.

Some where on the internet, I saw a lady give her view on the importance of what she described as formal marriage. To her, a traditional marriage is not a formal marriage that is worth holding unto.

In a publication she titled ‘’the growing trend of men shying away from court or white wedding’’, she explained that, men assume ownership of a bride once the pride price has been paid.

According to her, ‘’most girls are too willing to allow men ignore white or court wedding, warning that ladies should be careful with the practice. Court or at least a church weeding is more solid. She wrote.

She further argues that, with just traditional wedding, the man can wake up one morning and throw you out of the house, bring in another woman and there is little or nothing you can do. But when documents are signed,you get the opportunity to fight for rights to property, fair treatment, etc if you can get a good lawyer she wrote, noting that with a certificate, your marriage is recognized anywhere in the world.

First, let me state that,there exists traditional institutions across Africa with legal backing (Customary), that issue certificates of marriage and all others. We must note that, documents are formalities in marriage.

In my opinion, the view expressed in the above references is not just a thought from one lady, there are many other women whom I believe hold such view that women must do white wedding or court wedding.

But the question is, why should blacks do white wedding in the first place?

Are whites also doing black wedding?

There are many disadvantages of court wedding especially, but we tends to see only the advantages, forgetting the facts that even its advantages are disadvantage to marriage growth.

Ofcourse, if one wishes, we may decide to do white wedding, green wedding, red wedding and all the types of wedding we desire, but advocating for such wedding and describing others who refuse to toll that line as some what unworthy or less solid is not only wrong, such reasoning is a product of thought misdirection.

The thought of the lady expressed in her publication portrays a bride as a product of purchase, but that is not the symbol of a bride price in African tradition.

In African tradition, men don’t assume ownership of a bride as she portrayed, they rather assume the role of a father and caring partner, just as the bride assume the role of a mother and loving partner.

Africans culturally believe that, men are more endowed to care and guide, while women are endowed more to love and organize. Men can’t lead the family without the love and organizational skills of  a women. Family relationship can’t grow without love and guidance, and both male and female are endowed to take care of both aspect in marriage Africans believe. If women submit to the care and guiding principle of men, and men to the organization and loving control of women, respect crepes in, as the man would respect the woman for her loving control,while she also respect the man for his care and guidance.

It is important to note here that, either the man or woman can always walk out of any marriage if he or she is not comfortable, none is inferior in the relationship, they only have different functions. If woman is a commodity of ownership by man as portrayed in the references publication, how then can she walk away while the owner is watching?

In a nutshell, bride price is a symbol of marriage in Africa, more like the legal biding certificate signed in public court. Bride price is the certificate of marriage, an indication of willing choice by a man and willing acceptance of the man’s request by the woman. It is also an indication that a man must take responsibility of the home, it is his primary duty to provide for the home.  

Furthermore, we must also note that, bride price is recognized by law, any marriage with bride price is qualified to be heard legally to claim damage or what have you in a legal court. Customary court is there to confirm customary approaches in legal circle.

Due to lack of adequate information, many youths of this generation do not know the meaning of various African cultures and this promote wrong interpretation of cultural concepts. We must learn to know our culture and it essence before we run into wrong conclusions. Women are not products,but equal partners with different responsibilities.